Learn, Forgive & Celebrate

A friend recently shared the story of how the Babemba Tribe in South Africa responds when members demonstrate what could be called ‘bad behavior’. It caused me to think of how I perceive and react to people when I think they have done something ‘wrong’, and even more importantly, how I act towards myself when I am not happy with something I have done, thought or said.

In the Babemba tribe of South Africa, when a person acts irresponsibly or unjustly, he is placed in the center of the village, alone and unfettered. All work ceases, and every man, woman and child in the village gathers in a large circle around the accused individual. Then each person in the tribe speaks to the accused, one at a time, about all the good things the person in the center of the circle has done in his lifetime. Every incident, every experience that can be recalled with any detail and accuracy is recounted. All his positive attributes, good deeds, strengths and kindnesses are recited carefully and at length.

The tribal ceremony often lasts several days. At the end, the tribal circle is broken, a joyous celebration takes place, and the person is symbolically and literally welcomed back into the tribe.

I imagine the love of the tribe so generously given to the ‘fallen’ tribe member is a powerful reflection of his/her goodness, value and worth to the community. This ritual must also contribute to what is said to be a rare occurrence of antisocial or criminal behavior in the Babemba tribe. It demonstrates that by valuing each individual with compassion and forgiveness, the community as a whole is uplifted and strengthened.

This example of love and forgiveness is a beautiful reminder of how we can be with ourselves (and others) when we judge or don’t like something. Instead of belittling or getting angry at ourselves for something we did, we can learn from the experience, and then forgive ourselves and celebrate what is good about who we are and the positive things we do. The same is true with others in our life. Most of us are doing the best we can, and sometimes we just forget.

So the next time you make a mistake, say the wrong thing, or forget your friend’s birthday, remember the Babemba tribe story. Surround yourself with positive words, be compassionate with yourself, forgive and let it go. This is a gift we all deserve, as a way to take care of ourselves, celebrate who we are, and to help us grow in our capacity to be more compassionate human beings. Learn, forgive and celebrate!

photo by: Margalit Ward
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