The Comparison Trap

by Leo Babauta of zenhabits

I love reading about other people’s work setups, I really do. It’s one of my guilty pleasures.

I’ll read about another blogger’s computer setup, or what kind of notebook and pen he uses, or how he works standing up or on a treadmill or while doing handstand pushups and growing a vegetable garden.

And when I read about some cool setup someone else has, some cool new way of working, I inevitably want to try it. I’m only human.

You’ve done this too, probably. You might read a review of some new software that will help you create, or a new fashion style or some cool shoes or beautiful furniture or the newest iPad, or the latest iPhone app. Or maybe you’re a minimalist and read someone’s barefoot running article, or how they’re living out of a backpack, and want to try that.

It’s a trap.

We’re endlessly looking at how others do things, for inspiration and ideas … but we end up wanting to try those things too. That sounds harmless until you realize that you’ll buy almost anything because someone wrote about it and made it sound amazing. You’ll live a life of an endless series of purchases because of what other people are doing. And it never ends.

Even if you don’t buy stuff, you’ll change your life endlessly, based on what others are doing. You’ll give up your couch, you’ll stop buying Ikea furniture, then give up your cell phone, then give up your computer, then start doing yoga, then become a Zen monk, then create a tech startup. Those things are amazing, sure … but when does it ever end?

When do we ever feel content with the life we’re living?

If you look to the lives of others,

you’ll always find yourself lacking.

Look instead at what you have,

and be grateful.

Reduce your needs,

and be content.

And your life of striving

for perfection, for the future,

will become a life of balance,

of the moment, of inner peace.

For more articles by zen habits, go to: zenhabits.net

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6 Tips To Bounce Back From Overwhelm

6 Tips To Bounce Back From Overwhelm
by Lisa Peake, M.A.

Get Up Girl and productivity pro, Lisa Peake of Peake Productivity, shares with us about how to support ourselves when we're experiencing overwhelm.

I work with a lot of busy women. Each one is doing her best to be a good daughter, friend, wife, sister, mother, and brings a high level of care and investment to her work. The good news is that studies show that wearing these varied roles benefits us: when one area of life becomes challenging, we resource self-esteem and encouragement from other sources. We are more robust because we care about and participate in many different areas.

But what happens when all of these areas demand a lot of your time and focus, leaving little left over for you?

That’s when I remind my clients (and myself) that we women must give to ourselves first before we can give of the overflow. If you’re feeling depleted or overwhelmed, here are 6 tips to restore yourself to productivity relaxed focus:

1. Appreciate yourself and your partner.
Start with yourself, and start simple. Write down 3-5 things you appreciate about yourself at the end of the day. Make sure to include qualities about yourself as well as accomplishments. Then turn to your spouse, best friend, or business partner and share the love. A major source of emotional nourishment comes from feeling appreciated, and you’re the best person to start this trend in your own life. I have all of my clients appreciate themselves at the end of each week as part of their Weekly Review.

2. Take a sabbath day.
It was Rachel Naomi Remen who inspired me to block out a day of rest on my calendar every week. Commit to it! Usually a weekend works best for most people. For the entire day: no chores, no errands, keep cooking simple and nourishing, or ask a loved one to take over. Hire a babysitter if needed. Make it a day to play, pray, rest, nap, primp, gab, meditate, and receive support from the ones you love. Resting in this way allows your mind time to incubate creative ideas. All of the brilliant artists, writers and musicians take time away from their creations to percolate. Take time away from whatever it is that you produce, and recharge.

3. Know when to quit.
When you’re tired, sleepy or “braindead”, your most productive next action is rest. This may sound elementary, but in fact it takes conscious awareness to know when to stop (work, play, chores, etc.) Practice checking in with yourself to find out when you need to stop what you’re doing, or take a break. This can also mean know when to quit dwelling on negative thoughts. By redirecting yourself to something more nurturing or uplifting, you have an opportunity to recreate your day.

4. Don’t confuse sneaky indulgences with true self-nurturing.
A pint of Hagen Daas is probably not true self-nurturing, especially if it leaves you feeling guilty. Recognize those times when you want to “slip up” - that is, any time a convenient justification pops in like, “I deserve this because...” Take that as a sign that you need more true self-nurturing. True self-nurturing creates space for greater awareness, false nurturing pushes aside unpleasant thoughts or emotions. The productive choice is to honor what’s present now, and be kind to yourself as you go through it. There is no going around it, anyway. “The best way out is always through.” -Robert Frost

5. Forgive the day.
Forgive yourself, the people in your day, the situations in your life. Forgive it all. This way, when your head hits the pillow, you go free. You can do this in a simple way by saying, “I forgive myself for judging anyone or anything I judged today.” Do what is necessary to bring yourself into peace, and your night time rest will be more rejuvenating.

6. Set a bedtime intention to get deep rejuvenating rest.
Write in your journal what kind of sleep you want to receive, or just say your intention inwardly. You can include an intention to have meaningful dreams, and to wake up feeling refreshed. This is a simple one to try out and test the results for yourself. It takes less than 30 seconds per day. We all need to make time for ourselves in a conscious caring way. When we don’t, we find ourselves depleted and wondering what happened. It takes some effort to stay rested in a busy world, but if you make these tools and others an important part of your daily and weekly routine, you may find that you bounce back from those occasional moments of overwhelm a lot faster.

To find out more about Lisa's work and how she supports her clients with greater productivity, go to: peakeproductivity.com

5 Tips for Healing with Patience & Love

by Margalit Ward

The past couple of months have been an interesting combination of work, holiday celebrations, and laying in bed sick with pneumonia. Yes, this is why you have not seen a recent post from me in quite some time. During December and parts of January, I had the opportunity to re-look at how I was taking care of myself during the busy holiday season, while balancing the projects I had set in motion. It was also an opportunity for me to remember how to make adjustments when life's challenges can force you to slow down... I mean STOP everything.

I thought it would be helpful to share some of the ways I re-remembered to take care of myself when hit by a healing crisis (I finally had to admit that pneumonia is not like a cold, or even the flu, it's a kick in the ass, get your butt in bed situation).

Simplify
Keep life simple. Don't add extra commitments, phone calls, tasks, appointments, etc. to your day, even when you just begin to feel better. My main focus for December was, rest, sleep, drink water and soup, and... more sleep (oh yeah, and catching up on Project Runway episodes). Pretty simple. When the holidays arrived, I only focused on one goal, enjoy the time with my family. I didn't try to send out the usual holiday cards to all my friends and family, attend numerous parties, or plan a trip. I kept life simple and I enjoyed a beautiful & peaceful holiday.

Let Go
Similar to keeping things simple, but taking it another step, try letting go of any attachments to HOW things get done. I don't know about you, but I can sometimes be a bit of a perfectionist. Wanting things to be and look a certain way, and if not, then I would feel dissatisfied or annoyed. It's very freeing and refreshing to let that go. Maybe for a couple of weeks it's okay to let the house get a little messy, the garden a little unruly, and your closet a little cluttered. (I think I heard a gasp!) Give yourself some space to relax and be flexible with how things unfold. Feeling relaxed and letting go of some of your daily responsibilities can assist in your healing.

Ask for Support
Give yourself permission to ask others for support you when you're not feeling well. You can ask your spouse, sister, friend, neighbor, child or a parent to please lend a hand during your time of healing. Ask them to make you soup, pick up your medication, rub your feet, etc., whatever makes you feel cared for and nurtured, and is something that they can do. (Do remember your 'please' and 'thank you's') This gives you more time to rest, and allows others to care for you, which can be a gift to the people in your life more than you know. It's an opportunity to receive from others the care and attention you deserve when you're sick.

Love Love Love Yourself
Since you're not as busy while you're resting, you have a lot of time to remind yourself how wonderful you are. Once your fever breaks, grab that dusty journal and take some time to write about what you've been learning lately. Or use it as a place to write what you appreciate about yourself, your life and the people you love. Write a love letter to yourself, and mail it to you. Create some new affirmations about how you are taking great care of yourself, your body, mind, emotions and spirit. Affirm that you are loved and cared for. Take baths, read books you love, do relaxing and nurturing things for yourself. I think you get the picture. Love and nurture you... you deserve it, now more than ever.

Gratitude
Focus on what's wonderful in your life. No matter how sick you're feeling, thinking about what you're grateful for can lift your spirits and create an attitude that is supportive to your healing process. Add writing about what you're grateful for to your journal each day, even if it's just one thing. Create a new gratitude ritual, such as; keeping a gratitude rock in your pocket or purse to remind you to focus on gratitude; once a week share gratitude with at least one other person; or google gratitude quotes on the internet, and start a list of your favorites. However you choose to focus on gratitude, doing so will generate a greater sense of well-being and loving energy.

Being sick is never fun, but I believe it gives us the opportunity to stop and reflect on what is and isn't working in our life; to make adjustments in how we spend our time and focus our energy; and to listen to ourselves in a greater way. Our bodies are wise and if we pay attention, more deeply, patiently and lovingly, we will hear what truly nourishes us.

It's No TRICK, Six Ways to TREAT Yourself with Love

As the holiday season kicks off with Halloween, it's easy to get caught up in the hectic pace of parties, shopping and trying to fit more than we can handle into a single day. Often in the middle of the mayhem, our healthy habits and nurturing self care gets tossed to the wind. Here are some suggestions to stay on track with treating yourself with love.

1. Breath
Breathing is essential for life and restoring your body's energy. However, when you're feeling overwhelmed or stressed you tend to take short shallow breaths which causes the body to become even more stressed and tired. I invite you right now to try something. Take a moment to pause and take a deep slow breath in through your nose, and gently exhale through your mouth. Do it two more times. Notice how you're feeling. Are you feeling more relaxed? Are you more aware of your body? Taking time through out the day to stop and breath, is a great way to recharge your energy, refocus your mind and connect with yourself.

"For breath is life, and if you breathe well you will live long on earth." –Sanskrit Proverb

2. Be Patient
Do you ever find yourself wishing you could do something quicker, learn something faster, or reach your goals right this minute? Insisting on quick results or having unrealistic expectations puts unnecessary pressure on yourself and only creates stress and overwhelm. This limits how well you function and depletes your energy. Life, learning and growth is a process, not an event. Like a child learning to walk or talk, it happens over time, and is usually celebrated. Love, accept and celebrate your life and trust in it's natural flow and timing.

"If I have ever made any valuable discoveries, it has been owing more to patient attention, than to any other talent." –Sir Isaac Newton

3. Schedule a date night with yourself
Inspired by one of our Get Up Girl grads, I love this idea for making time to nurture and pamper yourself. Do those things that you rarely have time for, but truly enjoy! You could take a luxurious bubble bath, listen to music you love, put on that cozy robe and curl up with a great book, or rent your favorite movie and order take-out. Whatever you choose to do, schedule your date night with yourself in your calendar and enjoy a special evening with you!

"I restore myself when I'm alone." –Marilyn Monroe

4. Say NO
I don't know about you, but sometimes it's hard for me to say 'no'. I like being supportive and pleasing others, but over the years I've learned that saying 'yes' when I really want to say 'no', is a way I dishonor myself. Take time to check in with yourself and what your heart is really telling you before saying 'yes' to the people and the many requests in your life.

"A 'No' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please." –Mohatma Ghandi

5. Be Playful
You were born to play. Playing is instinctive and fundamental to human existence. Easily forgotten as an adult, engaging in playful activities nurtures you physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Playing is good for the brain and can support you feeling light, relaxed and engaged in life. Whether you enjoy a good game of Monopoly, doing arts and crafts, or playing tennis, make time to play and enjoy some serious fun!

"What do most Nobel Laureates, innovative entrepreneurs, artists and performers, well-adjusted children, happy couples and families, and the most successfully adapted mammals have in common? They play enthusiastically throughout their lives." –Stuart Brown

6. Do less
In this fast paced, over scheduled, multi-tasking, social networking world, daily life can sometimes feel very busy, but not necessarily fulfilling or meaningful. One solution is choosing to do less. Often by doing less, the quality of your efforts increases. The reason is your energy isn't split or spread to thin. You're able to focus your attention and energy at a higher level, which also increases how satisfied you feel. Doing less also translates to less stress and greater peace of mind.

"Being selective, doing less –is the path of the productive. Focus on the important few and ignore the rest." –Timothy Ferris

by Margalit Ward

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How To Create a Successful Mind-Set

by Margalit Ward

What is the mind-set for creating what you want? Is it just having a positive attitude? Reading the right books? Listening to inspirational teachers? These things do help, however there is more to creating success in your life that many happy and fulfilled people have in common. How can you take charge of your life and success? Below are four keys to remember when asking that all important question?

1. You are responsible for our own happiness & success.
Start with knowing you have the power, energy and ability to be responsible for everything in your life. Taking responsibility is the starting point for personal growth and empowering yourself. It is choosing to look inside and realizing that if you want the world around you to get better, you have to make changes within yourself first.

2. You have all the answers inside of you.
Trust your inner knowing by taking the time listen to your own insight, wisdom and guidance. Use helpful techniques that support cultivating a dialog with yourself. Such as, journal writing, meditation, walks in nature, etc. Find what works for you.

3. Use everything in your life as an opportunity to grow and uplift yourself.
Many of you have had the experience that even the most challenging times in your lives have been a time of growth and learning. Each experience has the potential to bring forward a blessing, when we choose to find it. "The block of granite which was an obstacle in the pathway of the weak, became a stepping-stone in the pathway of the strong". ~Thomas Carlyle

4. Take good care of yourself, physically, emotionally, mentally & spiritually.
When you fill your own cup with self-care first, you have more energy, creativity and the ability to give from your overflow. Below are some suggestions on how you can take care of yourself on all four levels. Find what works best for you and create your own self-care routine.

Physically: Take care of your body, with healthy nutrition, exercise and plenty of rest. Clear your space in your home environment and create and nurturing environment for yourself.

Emotionally: Speak kindly to yourself, appreciate & acknowledge yourself often.

Mentally: Be mindful of your thoughts and where you’re placing your attention. Read interesting and positive material that nourishes your mind and deepens your understanding of yourself and the world.

Spiritually: Make time for being quiet (meditation, walks, listening to inspiring music, recharging yourself, etc.)

You can't always control what happens in your life, but you can choose how you respond. This is where your power lies, in choosing your attitude and doing more of what works for you and less of what doesn't. So girlfriend, remember you have the power to make positive changes, trust your inner knowing, be open to seeing the blessings in your life, and take really good care of you. You deserve it!

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How Do I Love Me?

Let me count the ways…

1. Make time for activities I enjoy

2. Surround myself with positive and supportive people

3. Spend time in nature

4. Listen to my feelings with compassion and understanding

5. Sing in the shower

6. Cook delicious and healthy food that nourishes my body

7. Listen and honor my intuition
   

8. Spend time with people I love

9. Rest my body when I’m tired

10. Dance in my kitchen

11. Speak to myself with kind and loving words

12. Make time for silence

13. Express my creativity in fun and enjoyable ways

14. Walks in the fresh morning air in my neighborhood

15. Listen to music that moves me

16. Share love and appreciation with others

17. Take hot bubble baths

18. Sit in the shade of an old oak tree on a hot summer day

19. Smile at strangers
    

20. Having an adventure, going some place new

How do you love you? Share with us if you like.

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Affirmations from Louise Hay

From one of our favorite authors, Louise Hay, we share ten affirmations from her book, "Power Thoughts, 365 Daily Affirmations". Feel free to use any of these to inspire the change you want in your life, or edit to make them your own. Enjoy!

I am constantly moving forward in the direction of my goals.

I am gentle and kind with myself as I grow and change

The joy in my life is overflowing. My life gets better all the time.

I look within to find my treasures.

I fill my home with love.

I take full responsibility for every aspect of my life.

I focus on positive thoughts because the thoughts I think and the words I speak create my experiences.

I view all experiences as opportunities for me to learn and grow.

I am empowered and confident.

I love who I am, and reward myself with thoughts of gratitude.


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Photo by Margalit Ward

Weekly Self-Care

This week in our women’s Get Up Girl Coaching Group we explored how we can take better care of ourselves. We use the term Extreme Self-Care to describe nurturing ourselves in ways that really honors us as women on all levels, – Physically, Mentally, Emotionally and Spiritually.

To clarify a supportive Extreme Self-Care routine, we have the women ask themselves these 3 questions:

1. What are some of the ways I can take better care of myself?

2. What gets in the way of taking good care of myself?

3. What can I incorporate into my weekly routine this week?

During my afternoon walk I thought about these questions again and realized the value of asking them on a regular basis. My life is changing all the time, with new projects, situations, commitments, and what works for me one week, may not the next. When I make the time to re-evaluate what will work for me each week, sometimes daily, I can be flexible with how I fit in the things that support me. Wow, three days of late nights, take-out food and caffeine, I better make some changes in my diet and bedtime or I may be headed for burnout.

Take some time this week to ask yourself the Extreme Self-Care questions above. You can also try asking them and adding each of the levels, Physical, Mental, Emotional and Spiritual at the end of each question. This can support you in creating more balance in your life depending on what’s currently happening in your life.

Once you have answered the last question, “What can I incorporate into my weekly routine this week?” Enter what you decided into your PDA or daily calendar, so you have it written in your schedule, and will see it each day. It's also helpful to make your routine, Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and with a Time-frame.

Taking really good care of ourselves is the foundation for living a happy, healthy and fulfilling life. Be flexible with what that means for you so you can find ways that work no matter what shows up in your life. You deserve it!

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Eyes Closed and Heart Open

Crystal DAngora, a yoga and pilates instructor, has a message to share with her fellow Get Up Girl's on self-love. Thank you for your insightful contribution Crystal.

The only effective way to make a meaningful commitment to life and habit changes in the New Year is from the perspective of self-love, not self- deprivation and abuse.  I'm a Yoga and Pilates teacher/studio owner in Toluca Lake and, even with health and exercise as my career path, I find myself at times tripping down the post-Holiday guilt path.  

I have the good fortune each day, however, of learning from my wonderful students.  With every reminder I give to "breath deep and focus on [their] incredible improvements," I get to remind myself as well.   The time we waste beating ourselves up for slipping around the Holidays makes us feel powerless and puts attention on what we don't want.  Alternately, when we listen to our body's need for rest and exercise from a place of appreciation for where we are today, we feel and look better and have more energy.  No list of promises or guilt required, just an extra moment with eyes closed and heart open to tune-in.  Happy New Year!

 -Crystal DAngora  Crystal Yoga and Pilates

 

Do you have something to share with the Get Up Girl community?  This blog is a place for all Get Up Girls to express their creativity, thoughts, wisdom, and tips.  Please email us with blog postings at:  info@getupgirl.org