You Make Me Feel Lovely

See what Nadine Fawell has to say about feeling lovely, letting go and new beginnings.

By Nadine Fawell

For the title of this piece, I am quoting a student of mine, who is one of the sexiest women I have ever met. The first time she walked into class, I thought *wow*. This is a woman who experiences herself as beautiful, and you can see by how she moves that she is moving in the innate sensuality of Life. It’s very powerful.

When I knew her better, I told her this. And she replied that yes, she does experience life in this way, and it’s interesting because it has removed her need for another to help her experience her loveliness. She also said that when we say to someone, after sex, for example, that we love them, what she thinks we are really saying is this:

Interesting. Because when we are in intimate relationship, be it with a friend, a lover, a child, what we are mostly seeing is the version of ourselves that this person reflects back to us. This is why relationship is so important for self-learning. Everyone will show you a different aspect of yourself. All are valid. Even in abusive situations, once you can step back and look clearly, you may see something there. I had an incident a few months back where someone was incredibly verbally abusive towards me (don’t panic, it wasn’t my husband!), and it gave me a lot of insight into some old, no longer useful, patterns of behavior and thinking that I still have, which is why I allowed the person into my life in the first place. And, for a long time, allowed them to treat me in this way. No more, though, and, hopefully, if I can keep my eyes open to it, not again.

But I feel that I had to have that particular connection in order to learn about boundaries and self-respect and choosing my battles. So I am grateful. Because although I see those parts of me that aren’t so pretty reflected in this person’s words, I love me anyway. I think I am as good as I can be.

As I have said before, over the last few months, my spiritual practice has sustained me in a deep, deep way, as have my friendships and connections with those I love and who love me. I believe that I ended my marriage in the best way I could, that I behaved as best I could. This gives me great relief. I am not saying I behaved perfectly, but I did behave with compassion and kindness and forethought. Because things could have unfolded very differently, and if they had, I would have been more hurt, and so would my husband. So this ending, even, has given me cause to say that I feel lovely. And even at the end, a beginning. I love and I am loved.

Which brings me to beginnings. I can think of no more powerful time of Shakti, Life, flowing, than the way it does between two people who are attracted to each other. Shakti is always in us, of course. It is the Divine that animates us and is always, always present, even when it feels like it isn’t. If we weren’t with That which made us, we wouldn’t be alive. Simple. But so much easier to feel when you are in a room with someone and the love hormones are flowing. Sharing food, sharing touch, talking, laughing. And sometimes, that flows into something long-term. Deep intimacy. Where the deepest learning of Life happens. And sometimes, where new Life is made. The Ultimate Union.

This article was originally published on FindBliss.com

Nadine Fawell has been teaching yoga for five years. She has logged about 3000 hours of experience, both in group and private settings. Her main influence, both as a teacher and as a practitioner of yoga, comes from the Krishnamacharya lineage. She has travelled to India twice to study with TKV Desikachar and his teachers at the Krishnamacharya Yoga Mandiram and now considers Mark Whitwell to be one of her most influential teachers. Check out her blog at: http://nadinefawell.net/